My mind spends a decent amount of time clouded with thoughts and fragments of theories I have attempted to compose. It’s now less of a hobby and more of a daily ritual where I come up with random theories regarding my life and its meaning. I get a little too wrapped up in whatever has been occupying my mind that day whether it’s my future plans, what mistakes I have made lately, whether or not I am reaching my full potential, am I on the right track, college, does that guy like me or am I just delusional, why do I feel lost and how can I be a happy, successful person and WHAT does that even mean? There is just a constant stream of questions, concerns and opinions gliding and swirling around in my cerebral cortex like a group of professional figure skaters warming up for a competition in a compact ice rink. Just like the figure skaters, my thoughts go through flips, turns, solo pieces, partner works, skids and falls. It’s gotten to a point where I struggle to fall asleep because my mind won’t settle down until I have come to some sort of conclusion or answer to my questions. But the problem is that these captivating, emotionally draining periods of discussing my daily encounters and emotions with myself become time consuming and often produce very few breakthroughs that can create effective change in my life or anyone else's. You could call it a form of anxiety, I used to think that is what it was, but it now seems to me that anxiety is too simple of a word to use to describe my thought process during these sessions of deep thinking. It is not a painful process, it’s more or less a comfortable activity, it’s just very tiring and seems like something unnecessary and impractical at the end of the day. I would rather take that time I spent thinking about myself and add it to the time I spend thinking about something truly fascinating and exciting. Not if I annoyed somebody today and if I will get into a life changing college. College is not supposed to be the most life changing experience. The content of one's thoughts, however, are probably one of the most powerful things controlling a person's life. But it's a struggle to quit doubting yourself and to just accept that everything is fine. It’s not like I don’t know how to relax, it’s just a hard thing to do.
My biggest question that surpasses the rest: Why can’t I just chill out?
